


Surely Sorrows Find Their End (When the Road Finally Takes Me Home)

by Hedgi



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, all aboard the pain train, if canon doesn't remember Cait was married then I will, implied killervibe, not that it comes up a whole lot here, reaction to 3.18, semi introspective, so many parallels to earlier episodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-24 00:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10730031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hedgi/pseuds/Hedgi
Summary: Reeling from a vibe that exposed a painful secret, Cisco confronts Julian for his actions in creating Killer Frost, then sets out to save his best friend however he can.Even as their prophesied fight begins, memories of old conversations show him the truth about Killer Frost's nature and existence.





	Surely Sorrows Find Their End (When the Road Finally Takes Me Home)

**Author's Note:**

> blame Mosylu and Kineticallyanywhere

_ Something it is which thou hast lost, _

_ Some pleasure from thine early years. _

_ Break, thou deep vase of chilling tears, _

_ That grief hath shaken into frost _

_ ~Tennyson, In Memoriam IV _

 

 

The tomb-like silence of STAR Labs, haunted by Caitlin’s absence, shattered abruptly, like a precariously placed glass smashing into the ground. Head still ringing from the vibe, Cisco gave no warning as he stood from his desk, turned, and punched Julian in the nose.

“Cisco,” Barry flashed in, pulling the two apart. Julian dabbed at the trickle of blood. Cisco’s shoulders heaved with anger. “What the hell was that?”

“The fourth husk. How long did you know?” Cisco ignored Barry.

“The what?”Julian asked thickly, groping in his pocket for a handkerchief.

“The. Fourth. Husk. The last person you turned into a meta for Savitar! How long have you known who it was?” Cisco seethed. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I still haven’t been able to identify--”

“Bullshit. You have all our DNA samples right here, and you keep accusing Barry of being incompetent at his work so I highly doubt you‘ve been ignoring that open case for the last 6 months.” Cisco’s voice was fast and low, dangerous. “It was Caitlin, Barry. He did this.”

Barry had been ready to defend Julian’s lack of progress on the last husk--there were more pressing matters--but stopped.

“Is that true?”

“I wouldn’t know!” Julian snapped. “I’ve been busy, and--that wasn’t me, it was Alchemy.”

“And it was Killer Frost, not Caitlin, who attacked you but you still tried to destroy Barry’s career over it,” Cisco snapped back. “Did you even want to cure her? Did you? Or was it all some fucking power-play for you?” Barry had thought he had seen Cisco devastated and angry before. This was a whole new level of rage and heartbreak. 

“I loved her,” Julian said, discarding the blood spotted cloth. “I did everything I could to save her,  _ you  _ let her die.”

It was the wrong thing to say. 

“Do you know what she said when we found out her husband wasn’t dead, the first time?” Cisco asked. “When she saw him trapped by his own powers, not in control or even aware of himself, just a--a puppet? Hurting, and hurting other people? Do you?” He waited, the silence echoing harshly. “She said--she told me she wished he had just died that day. Instead of becoming some monster we’d have to lock up. And then--during the surgery, she said, she told you, she’d rather die than become Frost again. She didn’t want to be that monster. She didn’t want to be what you made her, and you wouldn’t even help fix it after.  She knew exactly what she was saying, and you. Didn’t.  _ Listen.  _ Claim whatever you want, Malfoy.” 

Cisco shook Barry off, vibrating at a contrasting frequency. “I loved her enough to respect her last wishes. There are fates worse than death.” 

He reached for a case on his desk, swiping loose tools and bits of wire into it.  Julian still gaped, pale from shock or blood loss or both, silent. 

“Cisco, wait,” Barry felt frozen in place by the weight of the declaration, the echoed words of Savitar’s prophecy. “Where are you going?”

“To get Caitlin back,” Cisco said, blue energy twisting around his fingers until it grew into a portal.

~~ 

 

He followed the first vibe he’d had of Killer Frost, the white-lit forest. The thin layer of snow and ice crunched under his feet, leaving a trail of footprints where the brown of the forest floor pushed through. He closed his eyes, and listened. An owl called out. Snow dropped from a branch made too heavy. And beyond that, he heard the not-quite-music he knew was Caitlin, her powers, her heartbeat, short notes like piano, like ice melting in drops. 

He approached, drawing the sound in. She turned, and his heart dropped. Her lips were blue, her eyes almost glowing with it, her hair dimly white. She looked like a ghost, drained of warmth. There was no recognition in her eyes, in the familiar frown lines that didn’t appear. He did not think it was because of the suit.

“Caitlin?” Cisco said, hating the flat way his voice was muffled by the snow and trees. “Caitlin, it’s me. Cisco. I’m here to help you.”

She shook her head. “I’m. Not. Caitlin,” she said, each word high and crystalline. 

“Yes, you are,” Cisco said, firmly. He was not Reverb. She could not be Killer Frost. He wouldn’t accept anything else, not as long as he was breathing. “You’re Caitlin Snow.”

“I’m not Caitlin. I told you that,” she spat back, facing him fully. Somewhere along the way, she’d abandoned the hospital gown, taking dark clothes instead. The might have been blue, but Cisco couldn’t tell in the lighting. “Now get away from me, before I put an icicle through your heart.” 

Cisco remembered the vibe, shifting his stance on the slick ground. He had to try. “You are. I know you are.”

If his words struck true, she gave no sign of it, instead lifting a hand that glinted like moonlight. Cisco dodged the icicle, raising his hands in defense. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she hissed, though for a heartbeat her breath hung in the air, visible in front of her. Cisco took that as a sign of hope, but didn’t hesitate, sending a blast at her. If he could only talk to her, if she would listen--.

She aimed another icicle, and he reached out with his power, shattering it and sending her flying. It was not quite enough to stop the second attack, and he had to dodge, throwing himself to the side. Against his skin, even through the vest, he felt the chill of cold metal and ice. Too close, he rocketed back to his feet. Frost seemed surprised. 

“You can fight this.” He tried again.

“You never learn, do you?” she snapped, staccato. “I know I can fight it. I don’t  _ want _ to. Give up.”

“I won’t do that,” Cisco responded.

“She’s not coming back. You know that,” she said. “Just give up. What good is any of this, fighting destiny, when all you can do is delay it? What’s the point, hurt now, hurt later, die now, die later.”

“You don’t just mean Iris,” Cisco said. It was not a question, he knew it with a surety that pressed against his heart like steel, solid. The wave of memories was only identifiable as that and not a vibe by the lack of blue-tint, they were so strong. Ronnie's death. Hunter's betrayal. Barry drawing away and returning and expecting it all to be the same, three men with a murderer's face, Grodd, three years of fear.  “It’s easier to be Frost, isn’t it? To not care? You think it won’t hurt if you don’t care. Frost isn’t someone else. Frost’s your shield.” it all snapped into focus, perfect clarity.

“What does it matter?” she asked, voice loud enough that the owl went silent. Distantly, Cisco could hear sirens, pulsing in his bones. Police, an ambulance, all unrelated to this moment. “This is who I am,  _ Vibe.  _ Either kill me or arrest me or get out, before I kill you.”

“You won’t,” Cisco said, shaking his head. “And I won’t.” He reached into his pocket, drawing out something that glimmered. A silvery chain spilled from his fingers, the pendant, glowing softly, rested in his gloved palm. Her eyes fixed on the place where the chain had been repaired. For a moment, he saw some of the old Caitlin in her face, as she tried to puzzle it out. The moment lasted, drawing out longer and longer. “Caitlin, please. Don’t throw everything you care about away because the future might hurt.”

She finally tore her gaze from the necklace, closing her eyes tightly. Cisco could not tell if they were amber or blue. He stepped closer anyway. 

  
“Cait, please," he said. "Come Home.”


End file.
